Thursday, May 19, 2011

You


I meant to tell this to you just a few minutes ago, but, knowing myself, I can only fully express, or feel that I have fully expressed something when I write it down, when I weave words and clauses and sentences and affections together. You know this, and I'd wager my...purity...that had I told you this using the medium that connects us daily, you'd laugh and tease me. A friend once told me that brevity was not my strongest trait. Being myself, I went on to explain, not defended myself, mind you, that it was my own way of ensuring that my true intentions and feelings get communicated effectively. I have had my fair share of trauma from people tinting my words and my ways, twisting them into banes of existence. If I were a cat, I'd have been reincarnated nine times and my lives would not have been enough, given the number of social deaths I've suffered to pass.

I digress.

Thank you for coming into my life and saving me. No, I was not dying. I was on the brink of willfully metamorphosing myself into an adamant being, impervious to any and all feeling. Your arrival into my life was a sudden opening of a window into the dark confines of what was a fast closing abode - my being. You allowed for light to spear through the pitch, making me see in a new light the things that I had been taking for granted. You brought back the awareness I had so treasured from a very young age and held out skeins of my memories before I lost my identity. In many ways, I am naive and idealistic, but I rein these in so as not to go beyond the boundaries of sense and practicality. 

People deemed me a mad believer, a misguided bohemian, and a stray dreamer. Cliche as it may seem, I believe in the power of love. I believe in the freedom of truth. I believe in the potency of goodness. I am a believer, mad perhaps, but only because I have been in the deep pits of despair. I am a mad bohemian, perhaps not in the truest literal sense of the word, but I am one, because I have been chained by the monotonous and patterned cycles that stunt all growth and thus I revel in the explosion of creativity. I am a stray dreamer, deemed lost by those who follow the paved road of alien desires, lost dreams of the bitter passed on to them, because I strayed off the path in search of fulfillment, forging my own paths in the process. I believe in the power of love, because when all is said and done, love alone can empower us to transcend reason and defy common logic. It empowers us not just to bridge chasms, but to fill the yawning emptiness it spans. I believe in the freedom of truth because I have been caught in the traps of lies, those of my own doing, and that of others. I have suffered grievous losses and dark scars are reminders of fell wounds while I was in that gyre. I believe in the potency of goodness, because it empowers us to live better lives. It is platonic love that allows us to live in harmony with others and in the world.

Thank you for coming into my life and making me believe. Thank you for saving the love I had. The same love I made myself promise into channeling into myself alone. The same love that would have been perverted by selfishness and despair and solitude had you not arrived. Thank you for breaking the curse of sleepness nights and empty trysts over alcohol and nicotine before I even placed it upon myself. Thank you for spiriting me away from false promises and meaningless dreams, from the void of fallen stars and the cold emptiness of lost lives. You saved me from becoming a bitter Adonis, god-chiselled fair and beast fell, a goal I had set my mind into becoming as vengeance for all the pains I let myself get lured into.

Thank you.

You saved me from myself by reminding me to be myself.

I love You, too.

4 comments:

  1. To borrow from Storyline's creed:
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    "We believe in hope. We believe in courage. We believe in freedom. We hire children because we are children, and we have no bias against those who are children at heart."
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    You have them. So, please, don't ever lose them.

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  2. "There ain't no reason you and me should be alone
    Tonight, yeah baby

    I'm on the edge of glory
    And I'm hanging on a moment of truth
    Out on the edge of glory
    And I'm hanging on a moment with you."
    ---"Edge of Glory", Lady GaGa

    Masaya ako para sa iyo, Spiral. Let love take you to places far and wide.

    Kane

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  3. Thank you for believing, DB. :)

    Salamat din, Kane. :)

    And what's that 'oh' for, geek? ;)

    ReplyDelete