|gaya-gaya, puto maya|
Disclaimer: The facts here are written in the order with which they came to mind.
1. When I was a child, everyone kept pestering me to be a doctor, mostly due to my fascination for science. That became my easy answer to larger-than-life-what-is-your-dream-profession-questions to kids in kindergarten. I never really thought much of it, I even forgot it over time.
2. When I was in 6th grade, I decided that my real larger-than-life-dream-profession is to become an astronaut. It's still my larger-than-life-dream-profession until now.
3. For something that was supposedly my larger-than-life-profession, I just googled "how to become an astronaut" a minute ago. If anyone else is interested, here's a list of basic requirements. I suppose I never really gave it much thought, since it is definitely larger than me and my wallflower life.
4. In my 19 years of existence, I have had experiences throughout the years that have led me to conclude that I am pre-cognitive. Pre-cognition and clairvoyance might seem similar, but they have key differences.
5. I get mixed-feelings whenever someone calls me tall. I only stand around 5'7" to 5'8", and that's not too tall at all, as emphasized by one white friend who calls me a midget. I'm the fourth tallest person in our high school batch and I turn green with envy, for an infinitesimal amount of time, every time I meet the three other guys who are taller than I am. I sorely wish and I'd like to believe that I am still growing and that I'll reach 5'10" someday.
6. In case some you haven't figured it out yet(directed at high school friends who might read this entry), I'm gay.
7. I came out last December 2010 to 12 other friends. I came out just because, although it was partly to make another friend of mine present then not feel isolated. She came out that night, too.
8. I can be very socially inept.
9. At least 30 people told me that they thought I was maldito when they first met me.
10. Surround me with people I'm really close to or feel at ease with and I can be very loud.
11. I sing in the shower.
12. I joined a choir in 3rd grade. We were to represent our school for a Christmas Caroling Contest that Vaseline organized. We got to the Regionals, where we won 1st runner-up.
13. My audition piece was 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.' I was surprised when I got in. I mainly only did it for the bonus points our Music teacher promised us. I felt really left out since my classmates were singing 'cool' songs like Eye of the Tiger.
14. I lost my singing instinct 2 years after that. I blame lack of practice and a then-perpetual cough that annoyed me silly. Voice change due to puberty is also a co-conspirator. I joined the local church choir composed of YFC's in high school. I was with them for 3 years. One can say that I regained a little of what I had in the past. My singing ability now is largely limited to worship songs, which are somehow easier to do. I'd like to believe that there's a reason for that!
15. Some of the things I really want have a knack of finding their way into my life. This fact is short, but it really means a lot to me. I'm happy that this thing, this magic, exists.
16. I like to observe, but that does not mean I observe everything. My attention is usually directed towards people and things that interest me.
17. I enjoy creating and recreating scenes in my head. There are usually two types of scenes that I do: perpetual replays and probability probing. The former usually happens when I recently interacted with people I respect, look up to, or like. The latter happens when I entertain thoughts of doing new things, when I'm preparing back-up plans, or when I'm attempting to predict outcomes, usually of two or more people presently engaged in an argument.
18. I have a green thumb. The things I plant usually flourish.
19. For a time, I was obsessed with pokemon and digimon.
20. I dislike physical violence. My inner sadist prefers to inflict mental and emotional torture.
21. The above is also one reason why I prefer magicians or mages as a role to play in fantasy games. In the absence of a mage, I prefer archers. I guess it's due to my belief in the power of isolation and distance, but that could be just my over-analysis kicking in.
22. If I am deprived of my archers and mages, I then resort to assassins, or anything else that can deliver quick deaths. I dislike torture.
23. Sticks and stones can break my bones as long as blades won't cut me. Yes, I dislike getting cut. I don't dislike the blood or anything. I just dislike the idea of getting defiled or perverted.
24. As much as I think that I can tolerate getting hurt with blunt objects, I really dislike getting hit. It's one reason why I stopped playing basketball in fourth grade - I dislike having people bump into me.
25. When I was five, a speeding bicycle hit me. It did not crash into me. The speeding bike's handlebars hit my nose just as I stepped out into Marulas B., Caloocan City, Philippines. There was blood all over me. I cannot now recall the pain, but I remember crying really loud and calling out to mama, who went out to the terrace and looked at me with a horrified expression on her face. I recall walking slowly back inside to have her fix me up. This experience traumatized be a bit, and it's definitely one reason why facts 20 to 24 exist.
26. I have decided to address bloggers kuya and ate whenever proper, unless told otherwise.
27. I find peace when I walk.
28. I enjoy long rides.
29. The first Disney movie I watched was Lion King. I still enjoy it now.
30. I hope to one day learn at least an entire Wushu-Taichi style. Not having easy access to a P.E. subject like it in USC has been one of the reasons why I resent not getting to U.P., so when I heard that the martial arts club in USC was offering Saturday sessions for certain disciplines, I grabbed the chance. I was immensely happy to learn that the sessions could be credited for my P.E. subjects.
31. I passed the UPCAT for the year 2008. I'm a frustrated would-have-been member of the Siglo batch of freshmen. My parents forbid me from going there, despite all my attempts at reasoning with them.
32. I qualified for the Advance Placement Exams(APE) for Los Baños. I would learn later on, when I was already in USC, that it was something not to be taken lightly, since only those who earned at least 90% for all of the test subjects in the UPCAT were offered the convenience.
33. Up until now, I still do not know my UPCAT score.
34. I still have the letter from UP, including several forms, guides, and a map. They're all stored in a brown envelope inside a sturdy shoebox.
35. I enjoyed reading Mama's college notes when I was an elementary student, especially her english ones. It definitely helped me and my vocabulary.
36. I feel awkward when speaking in English outside declamations, orations, and extemporaneous speaking contests, except for those little moments when I have serious conversations with some friends who feel comfortable in using the language during those times.
37. I had a very vivid dream when I was five years old that came true on the first day of my freshman year in high school. Yes, I never forgot that dream.
40. I enjoy sound arguments. I dislike debates about things whose answers are clearly obvious.
41. When I get serious or when I am in the mood, I pay attention to detail.
42. For all my metaphors and abstractions when I write, I'm pretty much an open book. The catch is that the signs I place around me aren't obvious, which is why it is always a pleasant surprise when someone figures things out. Maybe it's just a side-effect of observing people, but I sometimes wish someone else can see past the obvious facade.
43. A friend once told me I seemed really angry or angsty all the time, which surprised me, given that I am generally in a good mood. That one observation lead to conversation which allowed me to find out that some people can see past our daily shells and perceive the troubles within us.
44. I have put all effort into degrading a person in every possible way using my way with words thrice. First was back in my sophomore year in high school when one person insulted me with what was the worst possible insult to me then; the second and third attempts happened last March 13, 2011. The recipients of my hopefully sharp and wordy ire were two of my father's queridas - all his queridas are sisters, talk about menage a trois - and my father himself. When I am in this foul mood, my soul turns black and my conscience goes into slumber. I become merciless, however, my capacity to hate hasn't manifested fully yet. The day that happens would be a black day.
45. The funny thing when I argue, for fun or otherwise, is that I already think of the worst possible rebuttal my argument can face. I get satisfied when the the person or persons I'm arguing with attacks from a different angle.
46. I rarely show extreme emotions. What's funny is that when I cry, and that's not very often, I get thoughts like 'this is so awkward' or 'I must look like a wreck right now.' It should be noted, however, that I am moved to tears when I hear news of deaths or tragedies. The effect is delayed, though. After getting word of it, I just sit on my bed, and let the emotion wash over me. The spell rarely lasts for a minute, but the melancholy can last for hours.
47. When I was in elementary, I used to count the number of steps it took to get to certain places from certain spots, see: the number steps from one section of the road(marked by the asphalt lines) to another, from the school gate to the classroom door, from the classroom door to my desk, etc. I generally preferred doing an even number of steps.
48. Two of my past relationships(which is basically all of them) ended after 7 days. Both guys disappeared without a trace. They weren't abducted, no, it was just that all communication ceased without warning. I was left blind and groping in the dark. Both dolts explained themselves after a few months, and their reasons were petty, even at best. I guess it's a sign telling me to stick with the older guys, or at least those taller than me(okay, I'm not bitter - just allow me this jab at them). Yes, somehow, most of those who come to my life are at least seven years my senior.
49. I noticed recently that there is a trend when it comes to my dates, or at least invites to dates. They come at the wrong times, usually when I have to handle finances with a little more frugality than usual, so I have to say no. They also tend to come in droves. Tch, men, err, boys.
50. I sometimes worry how I'd look like when I die. I'd like to at least die looking dignified. This isn't limited to death, I mean, if there's a fire, I won't go out wearing just my shorts. I'd grab a shirt and a pair of slippers along. I really, really, dislike feeling or seemingly helpless. Then again, I've always believed and I'd like to think that I'm a survivor, and in a typical movie, I'm most likely to be one of the survivors, or the the last to die, mostly due to idiocy and a hero-complex. Although if I were to die, I'd want it to be quick.