Saturday, February 26, 2011

Dawn Ramble IX: Waiting

MORNING:

Papa: I'm gonna go to the shop to check up on their progress with the painting of the car.

Family sans the sleeping Spiral Prince: Okay, Pa. Be sure to get back in time for lunch.

Papa: I will be.

NOONTIME:

The family eats lunch sans Papa who did not come home and the prince who was still fast asleep.

EARLY AFTERNOON:

The spiral prince wakes up to learn that Mama decided to go to the shop herself to check up on Papa, who did not have his lunch yet.

LATE AFTERNOON:

The youngest sibling went bursting into the spiral prince's room, thus interrupting the prince's Kyle XY marathon, to inform him that "mama and papa just had a fight" and that "both of them headed out separately immediately afterwards." The prince's utter indignation disappeared in a flash. The prince asked the sibling what details he knew before sending him off. After the sibling left, the prince brooded, and prepared himself for what he believed was to come. The prince decided against calling either parent, to give them space. Besides, papa rarely used his phone these days, and mama would not have answered.

EARLY EVENING:


Spiral Prince: Are they still not home? Have you eaten dinner?


Brother: No, and no.

Spiral Prince: I suppose we'll wait for them, then. I'll cook dinner, too.



Brother: Sure.


Spiral Prince: Does our sister know about what happened?


Brother: Yep.


Spiral Prince: Alright. Tell me when they get here. I'll be in my room.


LATE EVENING:


Mama arrived home to find her children eating. There was no sign of Papa. The spiral prince asked Mama what happened, and so Mama told him the incident. Apparently, when she got there, the shop tender was confused why she still came, since Papa left a few minutes earlier. Mama was confused,too, since she walked all the way to the shop - it was quite a few kilometers, to boot. At this point of the narration, the spiral prince highly suspected that walking was mama's way of letting her thoughts settle down - and realized that the trait must run in the family. Anyway, Mama, in answer to the tender's inquiry as to why she wouldn't call Papa, told the man that Papa doesn't use his phone anyway, so it would be futile. In reply, the man tried to debunk this by saying that Papa was always talking to someone on the phone while in the shop. In Tagalog. This shot down the spiral prince's theories that Papa must've been talking to his siblings, but he has not a single sibling who prefers Tagalog over Bisaya. The spiral prince is taken a few months back into the past - he recalls how he once called, while feeling dangerously cold-blooded, a contact in Papa's phonebook assigned a name Mama had previously found in her investigations of Papa's belonging's. The spiral prince recalls how the call was answered, and how the spiral prince's hello went to to thin air. The same fate met the spiral prince's threat to the silent listener. Mama went on to talk about the usual things: a confrontation, an adamant denial despite overwhelming evidence, the raised voices, the dead silence, the other evidences and encounters and misgivings, too, are brought to light. Many other things happen, but Papa is not home.


MIDNIGHT:

The door and gates are locked. The spiral prince still feels a twisted sense of detachment. Emotions are still kept in check - hidden in the deepest and most obscure recesses of the mind, and the heart. The spiral prince knows that the next day might be vastly different from all the prince's other days - an upheaval may happen, and the spiral prince might have to make sacrifices for himself. The spiral prince...might have to start making a living. The spiral prince knows that great change might be on its way - and that it will affect the spiral prince, and the spiral prince's family. The spiral prince is aware that this change will not be light, that this change might truly transform him, although the prince is unsure if 'transform' is the right word by virtue of its allegiance - is it loyal to the prince or is it traitorous? The spiral prince is unsure of what is to come with the light of day, but the spiral prince knows that he can, and he is highly likely bound to make that sacrifice, by the spiral prince's own choice.

The spiral prince writes this down with the same sense of detachment as earlier. This truly is a form of sacrifice - by sparing the prince's self from the heated outburst is he sparing the family, too, from the hurt, from the pain, from the utter hate. The spiral prince is aware there might be a lot of backlash - conscious or unconscious - from skipping a step in the mastery of...anger?..pain?...hurt?...but whatever it is that the spiral prince has to master, he is aware of the possible consequences. Strange as it may seem, the spiral prince is a limbo, and is thus capable of going towards any path: vendetta, transformation, greater maturity, and  yes, forgiveness and reconciliation are included, but those things, too, depend on one thing: whether Papa returns or not.

Come home, Pa. We miss you already.


---

Cliche as it may sound, but the spiral prince wishes that all of this is but a dream. Life has this thing for timing and widely disparate things that go together. 

Happy New Year, Spiral's Eye. You have chronicled the spiral prince's life for a year now. The spiral prince wishes that the spiral prince could write of happier things. The things the spiral prince prepared might have to wait.


May the spiral prince weather what storm broods in the distance. May he hold on to the peace this spot in the cyber world represents for him. May this eye of the storm grant him time to marshal what strength and resilience he needs.

---
I could write more, but the time of those words is not yet now, when I still am unable to cry. Those saline rivers will spring someday, and I hope, against all hope, that they will be for joy.


Kaloy.


5 comments:

  1. Huhuhuhuhuhuhu ano nangyari??? Bakit?? Ayuko ng broken family... :(

    ReplyDelete
  2. i still wonder about what makes us connect into a dispute between parents.

    ReplyDelete
  3. may mga ganyan talagang family... sana maintindihan natin sila....

    ReplyDelete
  4. "the world might be better...if all queridas perish at once."

    my mother was a querida. i am an illegitimate child of my father.

    so no, that will not make the world better.

    ReplyDelete
  5. bali nakong guola gabasa aning imung gisulat. grabe. :|

    unta, ma okay na ka puhon. kaya nimo na. agwanta lang ginagmay, pero puhon, mawa lang ni tanan.

    kayaha ni ha. ug bisag lisod, sulyi lang ug gahini imung kaguol bisag gamay.

    hawg.

    ReplyDelete