I went out from my boarding house to eat dinner earlier and met a few friends from the 5th years(the graduating batch) in the same eatery. I'm not that close with all of them, but Ate J, who is among the few I'm friends with, was there. She called my name out the moment I entered, and paid no heed to the other people there, which was fun. She told me to take the table next to them(since their table was full, and I'm too shy to join them anyway).
When I started eating, she joined my table for a bit, since her other classmates were still finishing their dinner, and talked with me. It was an awkward conversation, given that she hit the spot, but in a good way.
Spiral, why are you eating dinner alone?
Erm, I don't have companions here, 'te J.
What? You mean there aren't any other boarders here?
What about K? His boarding house is nearby!
Our schedules don't match, 'te J. Besides, I don't wanna be a hassle.
That's bleak. Don't you get lonely?
The answer came with a shrug.
What I wanted to say was,
"I do, but I've gotten used to it,"
and then withhold the following thought,
"and it's one of the reasons why I want to leave Cebu, or at least this course."
The conversation then died, she just watched me eat with a smile.
That was awkward.
What? Is there something wrong?
Nothing! I just think you're fun to watch.
Childish as it may seem, I pouted before sticking my tongue out. A 'tradition' among us Physics Majors. Yep, it's weird. Her friends called her. They were leaving, and so she stood up to join them. They bid and waved their goodbyes before going and I was left to my musings.
Sometimes I wonder how the people I least expect see through me. Maybe it's because they've experienced my sadness themselves in ways I may never know. Cebu has allowed me to look at solitude in the eye. It's tragic in itself, but I've learned a few things here and there, besides proving the adage, 'misery loves company'. If anything, I've learned to value friendships more, or bonds and ties as a whole, for that matter. I've made enough mistakes to make quite a taxidermy display of skeletons in the proverbial closet, however, it's just that: a secret display of mistakes and scandals I'm the sole audience of.
I'm alone, after all.
I'm alone, after all.