Monday, May 10, 2010

Intoxication

Since I'm up and tired and writing, I'm on a roll, as usual. I'm not exactly sure what's with writing while tired and sleepy, but, I've found out it can be meditative and it can be a good way to wind down after an exhausting day - a way to empty yourself of all your human thoughts and emotions to rest well afterwards.

Anyway, now I'm writing of Intoxication, not intoxication with liquor but intoxication with beauty, why? Because I had another melancholy-slash-partly-inferiority-complex attack earlier. Moving on, I write now to ask myself, and possibly, anyone who reads my unknown blog, "What do you do when you're surrounded by beauty?" I'm talking about intoxicating human beauty. The one that literally makes you stop. Or swoon. Or think hard .Or brood. Or make your jaw drop. Or leave you dumb and senseless. Yeah, that sort of beauty. For a moment,please, imagine yourself in a room surrounded by ridiculously beautiful people. What would your first reaction be? What's the realization that comes after the said reaction? Of course, one would most likely end up swearing: Shit. What the hell's happening here? But what comes after that? Is it "Oh, God, I'm the luckiest person on earth at the moment and if this is a dream I don't want to wake up. Never." Or could it be, "What am I doing here? I'm the only one who's different and I stand out like a 6-footer in a room of midgets. I need to go, now. Please tell me this is a dream and if so, I want to wake up from this nightmare."

I write this because I'd like to show how beauty is a double-edged sword: you can appreciate it, or you can resent its absence. Or you can do both, but in doing so, you will find yourself in a constant clash with your opposing opinions and you'll end up unsure which side to take. Insecurities will always be present, and we can do something about it - either we nurture it or we weed it out. I'm not sure about you. In fact, I'm not sure what I'd do myself, but what I know is that if I ever find myself in the situation I mentioned above, I'm sure to find my self staring at all those people. I will take my time to take in their beauty as much as possible - every detail of their intoxicating beauty. And after doing so, I know I'm bound to ponder on them, and I'll drown myself in it. And I shall look at the mirror in the room that I've failed to see before and see the beauty in myself.

Oh, goodness, that wasn't what I intended to write - it was supposed to be a preachy post, but, screw that. It's good to be blunt once in a while. Especially when it comes to things like this. I mean, why should I hold back? It's not like I willed myself into that situation. Well, technically, I did, but hey, this is my parade, and the only thing that's allowed to rain on my parade is beauty. Or beautiful people. Oh, dammit, I'm just insecure over my imperfections and I dearly want them to go away, Shoo, imperfections, shoo!

Okay, that's a sign that I need sleep already. Good night! Beautiful, imperfectionless dreams to everyone!

Force Five Six Seven

You who spurn my hand,
The hidden impulse
Behind every stroke,
You who smooth the curves,
That which flows precise.

I see you in zigzags
In erratic heartbeats.
White noise. Cloudy vision.
'Neath swirling stars, you come,
Frozen for a moment,
And then you dance once more.

You are still, and yet, you move,
In sensual twirls with my mind.
Your smile both naive and cruel.
Now I wither as you wax,
Now I wane as you flourish,
Betwixt us both is a void,
There, you'll dance and there, I'll draw


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My attempt at the blank verse style of poetry, although it's not entirely blank verse since the verses themselves have a progression. I wrote this now because I had a melancholy attack earlier, don't ask why - I'm not too keen on sharing it. Anyway, this poem's both an abstract and a not so abstract image of that melancholy attack. Besides that, this poem is full of symbols and representations of things about me, I'm not sure if many of those who know me will find it, though, as they're cleverly hidden, if I should say so myself. It's been so long since I've dabbled with poetry (and I also forget to place them here because I got used to posting them in Facebook) , but seeing a Neil Gaiman book earlier in a bookstore sort of inspired me.Comments, please! I learn from them, you know!