Tuesday, March 2, 2010

I am Immature, or am I?

"You are so immature."

Last Friday, someone called me immature. To be honest, I got insulted. Not only because the thing she considered merited her claim happened a week before(and the event in question renders my actions not out-of-place), and thus her reaction was very, very, very late, but also because she had the nerve to call me so. While I haven't really revealed much about myself to my college friends, that doesn't mean they can call me immature at their leisure. Ironically, they have called me many things, usually behind my back, and when they're feeling like it, my back's back. They call it being frank about things and have justified it by saying only true friends can be cruelly honest. Someday, I'd like to tell them there's a difference between lambasting someone to the face and making sincere constructive criticisms, and that they should learn to identify one from the other. Isn't the mere fact that I keep a straight face, maintain a diplomat's bearing, and sometimes join in by degrading myself in front of them(which they rather enjoy) show that I'm not immature?

They never took time to stop and think of what they've said and done to me, in fact they never take time to stop and think of what they say and do. As long as it was not about them, it was fine. As long as it was not their egos that took a beating, it was alright. As long as they were not the ones who got hurt, it was okay. They have the nerve to call me immature on the grounds that the argument in question is accessible to the public. It was an argument I did not start. Following their line of reasoning, I believe they consider their private lambasting sessions mature, just because it's done privately.

Now that I ponder on it more, anger is beginning to cloud my mind. I don't think I'll be able to write coherently as much as I'd like, however, I'll keep writing, if only to release this feeling. Now, regarding their immature comment on the argument, I think it's really unfair for them to call me so. They themselves know the circumstances that led to it. They know my sentiments, which they echo themselves. I understand their wanting to remain neutral, but come now, calling one party(which is really only one person - me) immature while agreeing to the other is not neutrality. It's hypocrisy.

They're trying to paint a rather ugly picture of me. One where I am shown to be the one who started a scandal. I did not start it. It was not me who went on an outrage in a restaurant. I was the one who kept mum all throughout the afternoon while the one who made a scandal earlier was putting on fake smiles and feigning indifference on his act, which he knew was out of place. I am not the one claiming that my side is wholly righteous, in fact, I've done less than proper things, but I acknowledged them. I'm not the one trying to get the sentiment of the people I've wronged , because it was not me who wronged them, it was the very person going around seeking sympathy. In fact, unlike my other 'friends,' or rather, members of the circle of people I constantly go around with, I'm not trying to live in the illusion that everything is going smoothly, even though the reality that something is wrong is right before my eyes. I'm not the one who nonchalantly chucks criticisms at people. Am I really the immature one?

I really detest having judgment passed on me. Especially by unqualified people. Especially if the said people consider me very superficial. Superficial enough that in their belief that I deem myself higher than most people, they place me beneath them. They don't know enough about me to call me immature. They never gave me the chance to reveal whatever is beneath my exterior, figuratively speaking.

I doubt I'll get the chance to show my best given that they have this image of my worst, both real and imagined, in their head. I'm really at a loss as to how I should deal with the said people and things. My head hurts from thinking too much about them - circumstances I can never change, and people who consider me very trivial.

2 comments:

  1. I'm getting a somewhat similar treatment during the first few days of school.

    Whenever I get that "harsh" comment from my "new friends", I'd either wear a straight face to indicate to them I'm not happy with their remarks (I doubt if they even knew), or I'd utter an instant "uh huh" to indicate my sarcasm.

    The people here in Cebu are just different.... or maybe it's because their minds are already consumed by the mothereffin' pollution?

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  2. Maybe it does have something to do with the environment and the attitude they have. I just don't know. While I acknowledge that I have a thick face most of the time, I'd be a hypocrite to not admit that there are things that get to me. As one acquaintance once said, "Sometimes words can hurt as much as any shank to the abdomen."

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