Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Locker Room Lock Your Room

And I hate the guy using locker 51
because I want to have him
                           to be him

and I could never have him
                          or be him

I am stuck with me
wretched and wrecked

and lonely

Friday, November 6, 2015


Yes, my darling, you can dance soulfully and cause the world to pause and wait with bated breath. But this stage was meant for singers and the spectators came in search of a different death: they came for the swan song to set both heart and soul aquiver before a final silence. Away, therefore, we must away to the shadows where the shadows shall be the mute audience of our mournful plie before we crumple like marionettes riven from their strings.

Friday, October 23, 2015


Unya, Spiral, giunfriend naman ka niya. Husto na. Mao na ni ang saktong panahon na imung ipadayun ang imong pamagdoy aning dalan sa kinabuhi. Taas-taas pa kag baktason busa biyai na ang tanang kahimangod ug tanang kasakit. Labaw sa tanan, kat-una ang pagpasaylo sa imong kaugalingon sa imong pagkaulipon sa gugmang walay balos.

Monday, August 17, 2015


Back in the day, you used to know who to call on when life decides to make a downpour visit you. You've been gone 6 months and you find that the city has changed. Alone. Utterly alone. That is a realization that hits you hard. While you've gotten quite used to it, it's just not the same when you need a listening ear. Sure you could go back to the den, but that bottle of beer won't answer you. Only listen. Sure, you've learned that when people need someone to listen, they also want someone to talk to, to respond. It spells all the difference in the world, especially on times like this.

Now, who do you call? Everyone's moved on with their lives, and your closest friends live farthest from you. Mull over the irony of that. You've changed numbers too many times and downsized your contacts in the process. Everyone's out for their own good, anyway. That was a hard lesson. Life was easy, but that's all in the past now. When it rains, it pours and what love you hold for the rain is now replaced by mild disdain.

You've always been a fighter. You fought out of faith, but now you fight out of pride. Whether you like it or not, it's one of the last things that you cling to. If giving up means losing face, then you'd rather fight. You'd rather fight than feel their pity. But if one day you break down, you'll do it with your head held high. You did your best, fighting off the inevitable defeat. You did what you could to survive.

Tuesday, July 14, 2015


Fenyachan | Tokyo Ghoul - Freedom

Go to the beach. Alone. And on a weekday. On holidays go off the beaten path. Keep your social media feeds active. Ditch the selfies. Bring out the landscapes and the seascapes. Caption them with locations and nothing else. Leave out the subtle admonitions, the quiet declarations of your solitude. Stop hoping your friends turn out of the blue. You are your best companion, for now

This adventure and the hundred other misadventures are yours alone. They had their chance when you chased them. Let your bruises and scrapes heal. Chase your dreams! Cross things off of your bucket list even as it grows longer. Alone is okay. Alone is fine. Alone isn't always lonely.

Make no replies to those inquiries - those comments are fluff and were meant for fishing: they're making sure you're still within reach. The bastards. No, you are not within their arm's length anymore. That got you nowhere. You have left that self behind. You have grown wings. You, who were always meant for the sky. Do you not quiver with awe as you see things from these lofty heights? And those friends? Those who weighed you down? They are as ants to you now: small. Insignificant. Unmemorable. Soon, their names will be lost to you.

Chasing them left you feeling alone even in their presence. You are alone, now, yes, but not more alone than you've always been. Does your heart not feel light? Do you not feel the peace? You remain alone, yet you've grown rich with the fullness of experience. The world is yours for the taking. 

So. Ignore the phone when it rings, unless it is from your family, or from those worthy of maintaining connections with. They are the people who truly matter. Enjoy your drink. Draw the sunlight in. Lie back and dream your own constellations. Embrace the breeze as it blows. Laugh. Smile. Make friends with a winged stranger, a fellow dreamer. Forget those who left you. Forget those who've forgotten you. You've learned to leave them, too.